It’s 10 am and I am at my lady’s house.
Today is the meeting with the BBC director and I am BONE SHITTINGLY NERVOUS.
Need to take a shower, get dressed, get dolled up and go out into the cold to meet him at the Elstree TV Studios and-
HOW IS IT ALREADY TODAY?!
I’ve had an AWESOME day for writing. Not necessarily for output (although I’ve managed three pages of redrafting) but for epiphanies. I’ve had epiphanies out the wazoo, seriously.
For the last several years, I’ve been chasing this weird ideal of writing from when I was a kid, where I could just sit down with a legal pad and scribble out everything and genuinely enjoy it. And if I don’t feel that way, I get frustrated and feel like I’m losing sight of the fun of it and that I’m somehow doing everything wrong—
but then I stumbled across this quote this morning:
My love for writing has extended beyond the joy of scribbling down words into a passion of learning and becoming an expert on a multitude of topics. I used to write to escape from people and places, but now I write because I want to engage with people and places, because I want to be the one that shapes the telling of their story.
In other words, I now love the process of storytelling.
And just- YES. Yes, yes, yes. There’s nothing WRONG with being picky about words or feeling frustrated that it isn’t coming together immediately or that it doesn’t reflect the exact image that’s in your head.
I went back to where I lived when I was younger, and I drove around a bit. I found the creek where I wrote my first published poem (granted, it was a sham of a contest and just a ruse to get people to buy their book, but it still got published and that’s what mattered to me), and it just clicked. Everything clicked.
I wrote constantly when I was a kid and all of it was terrible, but I’ve grown. I’ve got a sense of taste, and I have a standard that I hold myself to. I write for other people, to share with other people, and that is infinitely more frustrating than just writing for yourself. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s normal. It doesn’t make me any less of a writer.
I know that this is long and rambly and it doesn’t mean anything to anybody but me, but things make sense, and I just wanted to share my mini-mental-breakthrough for some reason. Haha. God.
I actually feel good right now.
it’s cold and it’s lonely and I’m not allowed to make any noise or I’ll wake the girls and also San Francisco what
why am I here, seriously
I miss my lady. :/
had a blast in Amsterdam btw
got super wasted, got to hang out with one of my best buddies, was perpetually blazed. It was actually incredible. Cold and wet, sure, but incredible.
this is an unnecessary post, feel free to ignore it.
I’ve had a terrible 48 hours, not gonna lie.
Self-indulgent bullshit whining under the cut
huh. I wonder if I’ll feel different in 30 minutes.
I have a bicycle now! It is bicycle-like, and it has a little basket and I put on the lights myself because I’m awesome like that. I zoomed around for like, two hours and figured out where everything wasn’t(if you go too far straight from UEA, past the tiny Tescos, you end up at a church/hospice. No pubs, no shops. That’s pretty much it. Need to try the other directions next) but I’m still in a residual-good-mood, which is nice.
I’m gonna go meet bonnef and go to the postgrad pub quiz in about 30 minutes, and it should be good!
Not a bad way to spend my last day of being 21.
I have been to 11 different schools and universities since 2000, and before I head to my newest school for class for the first time, I watch this film in the morning.
I can hardly get through the first ten minutes without tearing up. I can barely articulate why this film is so perfect to mark a new beginning chapter in my life, but it is, without a doubt, one of my favourite films. Maybe I’m being sentimental, maybe I love the writing and the animation and the characters - but this is my favourite part of starting somewhere new.
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I’ve wanted to do something like this for a long time, but I finally got around to it today! I just bought some lamination sheets and dry erase markers from poundland and tacked them onto my wall, and I think it works pretty well. :D
The blue sock down there is what I use to erase stuff, since I couldn’t be bothered to search for a little eraser.